Back to sex articles

How to have anal sex (R18)

I am a top (click on the picture for the video)


The following video is a practical demonstration on how to have hot safe sex if you're the top - the guy doing the fucking.

I am a bottom (click on the picture for the video) 


The following video is a practical demonstration on how to have hot safe sex if you're the bottom - the guy being fucked.

Some guys prefer one role or another – either you’re the top, the guy doing the fucking, or the bottom, the guy getting fucked.Others like to do both. Whatever the situation, talk about it. Stay in control. Remember, you’re not obliged to do anything you don’t want to.

Ready to fuck?

Maybe you have someone in mind, maybe you’re not quite ready but are curious about how men fuck other men, or maybe you’ve already got a decent idea. Whatever the case, it pays to be in the know so you can have a hot time whenever you get with someone.

Don’t look to porn for guidance, it’s pretty unrealistic. We’re here to give you the run down on how to fuck responsibly and have a great time! So read on, my friend.


Consent is really important and it’s a big part of your preparation for having sex. Sometimes it can be easy to feel pressured into doing things you may not want to, especially if a position starts to get uncomfortable or your partner wants to try something you’re not ready for. It’s really important you make sure you give your consent if you do want to do something, and that you say no to things you don’t want to do or aren’t ready for. It’s just the same the other way around – make sure you’re respecting your partner and that they’re on board with what you want to do. You’ve got the right to back out or ease off at any time and so does your partner.

Getting started

Before you begin make sure you’ve got condoms and lube ready. If you're HIV negative and struggle with consistent condom use, you could consider taking PrEP to stay safe. But remember that while PrEP is great at preventing HIV transmission, it won't protect you against other STIs like gonorrhoea, syphilis or chlamydia. If you’ve got any sex toys you want to use, get them out so they’re at hand when you’re in the moment. When it comes to condoms and lube, it’s pretty basic. The main things to keep in mind are to check the expiry date on the condoms and that you’re using water or silicone based lube. Check out our video guide to lube to get more info: Keeping clean is important if you want to be having good sex (and for your social life in general). Showering before sex is a great idea, especially when you’re new to hooking up and fucking and you’re not that confident with how your body’s going to work. For bottoms, try keep up a healthy, high fibre diet and you should be perfectly fine. Be sure to wash your cock and ass properly when you shower to avoid any awkward or gross moments for you and your partner. Douching isn’t necessary, but if you’re curious to know more about it check out our douching guide.


For a really hot session you’ve got to be relaxed, especially if you’re new to it. Foreplay is a great way to get comfortable with your partner and explore what sort of things you are both into. Kissing, massage and sucking each other’s cocks are a good start; just do whatever works for you.

Using sex toys is a really great way to warm yourself up before fucking. There are so many different kinds of toys out there that it can be pretty full on deciding what toys you want to use. With dildos, vibrators, masturbation sleeves, butt plugs, double ended dildos and more to choose from it can take a while to work out what you like. Remember to start off small and work your way up; using lots of lube is a big help. If you don’t want to use toys, that’s fine too. If you’ve got sex toys, make sure that you wash them in hot, soapy water before using them, and that all the soap is washed off before drying them. If you’re sharing, make sure to clean them between partners. Using a condom on your toy and changing it between partners is a quick and easy way to keep things clean.

For the condom users:


Putting a condom on

When you’re both ready it’s time for whoever’s being the top to put on a condom. Make sure you follow these steps:

  • Check the use-by date on the packet to make sure it hasn’t expired.
  • Tear along the serrated edge of the wrapper (don’t use your teeth as this can damage the condom).
  • Make sure the condom is the right way up – generally this means the rolled up part of the condom is on the outside, so it will unroll easily as your move your hand down your cock.
  • Put the condom on the head of your erect dick and squeeze the air out, then roll it down to the base. If either you or your partner has a long foreskin, don’t pull it back, because the condom will slide off when your foreskin slides back into place.
  • You can find a detailed guide to putting on a condom by watching our How to Put on a Condom video.

What if I struggle to use condom consistently ?

If you're HIV negative and struggle with consistent condom use, you could consider taking PrEP to stay safe. But remember that while PrEP is great at preventing HIV transmission, it won't protect you against other STIs like gonorrhoea, syphilis or chlamydia.

Why does anal sex feel good?

When both partners know what they’re doing, anal sex feels great for both the top and the bottom. For the top it’s obvious – you’re getting to fuck your partner’s ass which is going to be a pretty sweet time for your dick. For the bottom, you’re going to feel stimulation in two ways. The first point of stimulation is at the anal opening, where there are lots of nerve endings to respond to your partner sliding in and out. The other spot to keep a feel out for is your prostate, which is sometimes called the male G-spot. It’s a gland that controls a lot of your body’s sexual responses, so when it’s getting rubbed by someone’s cock (or fingers or a toy) then it can be pretty spectacular. It can take some time for your body to adapt to getting fucked, so the first couple of goes will probably feel quite strange.

Get it in: Positions

There are lots of positions you can try, so experiment to find the ones you both like:

You can try doggy style: it’s one of the easiest and most comfortable for lots of guys. The best positions to start with are those where the bottom has maximum control, like sitting on their partner’s cock and gradually lowering onto it. Another popular one is lying side-by-side, like spooning. If you are using condoms, and you change positions while you’re still inside your partner or he’s still inside you, hold onto the base of the condom so it doesn’t slip off. Be sure to check that the condom is still intact while you’re fucking or being fucked. If you’re a bottom, feel for the condom as your partner’s cock is moving in and out of you.

Latest Content

Latest Content

PRIVACY POLICY: The New Zealand AIDS Foundation (NZAF) recognises the importance of protecting your privacy. Any personal information that you provide to us, or authorise us to collect, will be collected and used in accordance with the Privacy Act and our Privacy Policy. For further information, please ask us for a copy or view the Privacy Policy now. You have the right to access and request correction of your personal information by contacting us using the details in our Privacy Policy.

The NZAF is passionately committed to working hand in hand with partners and the community to end HIV in New Zealand. By staying safe, testing often and treating early we can stop HIV in its tracks. Read more...

Supporting Organisations