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Top, Bottom and Everywhere in Between

Here's the first blog from our new Auckland based contributor Jonathan Allen. Let us know what you think of his piece in the comments below.

We all know what is meant by ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ when it comes to getting with another guy. Both positions can be a lot of fun, although guys tend to have preferences of whether they want to be a top, bottom, or both when having sex. Some guys have a strong preference, others find their role depends on the guy they are going to have sex with, and very often a guy’s preferences will change over time.

How do I know my role?

Anal sex isn’t something that is black and white – what it all comes down to is what you and your sex partner feel comfortable with and what you want to try. Communication is key.

The only way to find out is to try it for yourself. Ease into it with lots of foreplay, lube and fingering, making sure the bottom is comfortable. Good communication will make the whole experience much more pleasurable for both of you. If the both of you prefer to use condoms, once the bottom feels ready, put a condom over that cock, lube up, and slowly slide inside and enjoy all the amazing sensations that will ensue. If the both of you are HIV negative and struggle with consistent condom use, maybe consider taking PrEP to stay safe. But remember that while PrEP is great at preventing HIV transmission, it won't protect you against other STIs like gonorrhoea, syphilis or chlamydia. If you’re feeling a bit adventurous on your first time, try some different positions and see which ones you and your guy like best. There are many sex positions to fuck in: doggy, missionary, sideways, in a chair, against a wall; the list goes on.

For the bottoms: if you don’t like it at first, don’t rule it out completely. It’s an intense experience for both guys and for the bottom the sensations can be a bit uncomfortable at first. If the top has a thick cock, you may need to prepare yourself some more before he tries to enter you. This means more fingers, or busting out some toys that have less girth than his cock.

What's a 'power top' and 'power bottom'?

Either position can express power or dominance; these roles are for the more confident, experienced and kinky. Often portrayed in gay porn (especially BDSM porn), a power top is a rougher, faster and harder top. A power bottom on the other hand is a bottom that takes control by actively riding the top’s cock and often being on top of the top; he has control over the depth and speed at which he is fucked and also controls the top’s pleasure.

Some quick tips:

  • Communicate with your partner
  • Clip down fingernails if fingering is involved
  • Use a condom for fingering, fucking and on dildos
  • Make lube your best friend
  • You may want to douche before sex for peace of mind and comfort
  • If it hurts, stop, wait, and try again slowly

It’s important to ease into anal sex to make it as safe and enjoyable as possible. Butts are delicate, but if you train yours, or your partner’s correctly then you can be power-bottoming away in no time!

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